It’s chemo time again !
Time passes extremly fast … Tomorrow it’s gonna be the third out of four red chemo … Then twelve weekly taxol, but that is supposed to give less nausea and side effects … I hope so !
Before the surgery I felt like the treatments and everything were endless, now I have realized that it’s only a few more months … This thought gave me a lot of strenght and helped me to go back to my normal life, which felt so, so good.
I showed to a friend a picture of me with ice on my head after using the cold cap and she told me I looked like Elsa from Frozen, that really made laugh ! It was also very appropriate ….
I often say that this experience ,the first surgery, the chemical menopause, the second surgery, the chemos, somehow liberated me -of course I wish it happened another way but … it is what it is!- now I feel like I can speak my mind freely and even though I still worry about hurting other people feelings, I worry more about my feelings, and I am much more able to express them … which makes me feel closer with my friends and family.
I will keep this attitude for the rest of my life but don’t get me wrong: I will never thank cancer and I think that “finding something good out of it” is somehow a strecht ( if the expression makes sense… ) and I don’t feel comfortable with this.
Anyway here I am quoting a disney movie … I think the song lyric’s it’s perfecf …
” it’s funny how some distance, can make everything seems small. And the fears that once controlled me can’t get me at all. it’s time to see what I can do, to test the limits and break through. No right, no wrong, no rules for me… I am free. Let it go, let it go
And I’ll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go.That perfect girl is gone!
Here I stand,In the light of day
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway!”