New York day two and three: the emotional roller-coaster

Yesterday was actually a very good day.

I woke up and went to the east village for a glorious brunch ( ok I will stop saying how much I love breakfasts and brunch… but hey, Italy is a great country but all we get in the morning is an espresso and a small croissant!) after brunch I shopped for hats in a very cute store I knew nearby, with a lot of different styles, vintage pieces, all made by this local designer… it took me a lot of courage to actually tell her that I needed a few hats because I will soon need to cover my head. I am happy I made it because  she didn’t say anything about it the whole time,but when I asked her: ” can you picture me with this hat, red lipstick and high heels?” she simply replied ” yes! sexy “and she really centered the point:  will I feel that way again anytime soon ?

In the afternoon I went near union square for a tattoo.

When I was twenty-five I lived in new york for a little over then a year. In that period I basically turned into a different person. I became a yoga addicted and along with that a much more positive person, nicer to myself and towards the others.  For that reason when came the moment to go back to my country I decided to get a tattoo, to celebrate that moment of my life and also as a promise to keep being positive even in tough circumstances (it was a good idea after all… ) So I went for a sign of joy and love for life: the hummingbird.  Since It was my first tattoo I asked for something really small… long story short: yesterday I had it covered up with another hummingbird, just more beautiful!                                                                                        I love it! I took some pain killers before and it didn’t hurt much – well, maybe it’s because after the two surgeries my tolerance for pain really changed but at the same time I am now more soft and I took the painkillers: no one will ever convince me to endure pain anymore if is not absolutely necessary !

In the evening I planned  to meet up with a friend for a drink and then go right back home because the next day ,today, I had to wake up early to go to Boston (where I currently am, cause I managed to have an appointment tomorrow morning with a super doctor in order to have a second opinion on therapies and follows ups, just in case!) …like it often happens I ended up coming back at 3,30 AM pretty much wasted. I really had a blast ! I completely forgot about cancer, and therapies, and my hair and whatever… I just felt like the old me, not even the girl I was two months ago ( when I didn’t imagine that a recurrence was just around the corner) but the really really old me, 25 with a very light heart a really few thoughts on mind ( my only thoughts back then were for a new yorker that broke my heart, and a internship that I didn’t find right for me- but since I was heart-broken I didn’t even care I used to say that I was in such a pain but that “love pain” is the only pain you want to try in your life – I was right! and I now know that those are the right concerns for that age!) … but the thing is I woke up today  and of course I was totally hangover ( I am young, but I am not a baby anymore!!) and the first thought I had  was that probably the next time I am gonna feel this bad is gonna be because of chemo… I didn’t really have a good today. I guess the higher you climb the harder you fall… I did forget everything for a while but of course everything is still there. and I am still waiting to know when to begin the treatments. so I am in this huge bubble made of fluffies french toasts and pomegranate margaritas and I am just waiting for an e-mail to crush it all. I am trying to enjoy all of this as much as I can though, because we have to save good energies for difficult times….

Cherry on top my parents are both here with me and today my father rented a car and drove all the way to Boston- with me completely hangovered on the back seat listening to music at super high volume with my head-phones on  and mostly sleeping, I really felt like I was a teenager again 😀 !

Buonanotte !

If you are depressed you are living in the past
If you are anxious you are living in the future
if you are at peace you are living in the present


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